Coldest Cut of All

by Karen Willson & Chris Weber

You know this one. This is a definitive PP&tP episode, and the one most floating around the web in decent quality. It's a very good demonstration of what the series is all about, and is the premiere episode for that reason. Being expertly animated by TMS, who produced several other episodes, is also why it's so excellent.

We open with Peter regaling his household with his latest dashing adventure (likely embellished). Tinker Bell warns him not to say the name of his enemy, the Ice King, aloud, and the Twins recite a rhyme about it.

I just want to want to pause and point out that this is my favorite interpretation of the Lost Boys' Twins. In the original text it's said that this pair cannot be described because Peter does not know what twins are, therefore no one else is permitted. Many other versions of Peter Pan feature identical twins (the film Hook even has new Twins to keep up the tradition), but Fox's is a pair that's about as physically unlike as can be. Were they always together? Bonded in an orphanage, from whence they escaped? They share a brain, finish each other's sentences, so it's obvious they are soul brothers. No one knows what "twins" means, so these two just call themselves twins and everyone accepts it. I love it.

Anyway, Tootles almost blurts out the forbidden name until Nibs stops him by giving him a noogie. Cute. Peter shows off a giant shining emerald he nicked from the Ice King's domain. Wendy admires it, so Peter offers it to her, much to ire of Tinker Bell, to whom he originally gifted the jewel.

Gonna pause again to talk about Tink. This show didn't have to go so hard with her, but it did. She has her own voice (as opposed to jingling bell sound effects to indicate her speaking in fairy language, which Peter has to interpret for the audience) (however, in this series, there is a tinkling sound effect in the backdrop of her dialogue) and her jealous and bossy personality is really pushed. She and Peter are both designed to be as different from their Disney counterparts as possible, so she wears a very pink (and more modest) dress which matches her big pink butterfly wings. This should clash with her red hair, but it kind of works, probably because she's accented in periwinkle and teal. She's always animated charmingly when she flits around. She brings so much life to this series.

Nibs wisely diverts Tinker Bell's tantrum by asking Peter where he found the emerald. Naturally, he can't resist boasting that he took it "from the caves of the King of the Ice and the Lord of the Snows — King Kyros." Welp.

Supernaturally, a bowl of water sprays upward, freezes solid, and the Ice King himself bursts forth. What an entrance, am I right? He strides up to Peter and threatens that if the boy did not have a good reason for summoning him, then he'll "turn your little home into an ice cube." Peter bullshits his way through it by claiming he wanted his friends to see with their own eyes the Ice King in all his majesty. He doesn't buy it. He's already pissed at Peter for trespassing in his kingdom. Peter claims that all of Neverland is his kingdom, and he can do whatever he likes.

I'm not trying to get super meta in these episode reviews, but one thing I want to talk about with this series is that it sometimes presents Neverland as a fully-functional land governed by various faerie, and that this human child is just here to play in it (for the most part, anyway; there are some references to Peter's mentality affecting the laws of Neverland, but that could be different writers interpreting the original more faithfully). I've always liked this interpretation better, that Peter only thinks he's in charge because he's that full of himself.

(As a kid, I hated this arrogant little shit and always rooted for the pirates and fae villains like King Kyros, who is 100% in the right. Trying to be a little more objective about Peter in these reviews, however!)

The Ice King blusters up the Underground House a bit, and reclaims his crystal. He warns Peter that if he trespasses again, he will bring forth endless winter to all of Neverland, one which will put an end to all life — he's that pissed. Then he takes his leave.

Jack Angel doing a great chilly voice here.

John marvels at the snow-covered house and wonders what the Ice Kingdom looks like in comparison. Tootles pipes up that it's amazing, and John is surprised to learn that all the Lost Boys got to see the place the last time Peter went. So why did Nibs inquire about the emerald? Did they tag along the time before this one? Anyway, Michael begs Peter to take him, and Peter slyly says he needs to steal a new crystal since King Kyros took the first one... which belongs to him to begin with.

So Peter is willing to risk the lives of his friends, neighbors, and innocent wild animals just to win at thieving. Sounds about right.

Michael asks his big sister's permission, and she sends them with scarves to keep warm. Not extra layers or gloves and boots, just scarves. Easier to animate, I suppose. Peter and the Darling boys dive through the secret entrance at the foot of the icy mountains (a swinging door in the ground) and have a thrilling ride down a roller-coaster of an ice slide, plunging safely into the snow between deadly stalagmites.

TMS brought their theatrical game to this debut episode. Love these expressions.

The powerful Kyros is watching their every move, naturally. He sends a minion to chop at some enormous stalactites of pure ice to plunge straight down and kill the little boys (holy shit). John manages to leap out of the way, but Peter has to fly in and sweep up a horror-stricken Michael before he's gored to death.

Holy shit!! This children's cartoon is not fucking around.

The naked ice elf reports back to his lord that the children escaped. But Kyros is not mad, he explains that it was part of his plan to drive the kids further into the caves, where's he's prepared a special crystal for Pan that will "change his life... [villainous cackling] forever."

The boys continue to explore, and have fun looking at their distorted reflections in ice mirrors. But Peter finds a fabulous treasure to steal: a huge red glowing jewel lodged in the tip of a stalactite. "Wendy will love this! It's just like the crystal the Ice King took back!"

... No it isn't? You dumbass.

Satisfied, Peter tells the brothers that it's time to leave before "that bad-tempered old fuddy-duddy tries to freeze our toes off." Kyros, of course, is watching through a magical ice mirror. "Bad-tempered old fuddy-duddy?!" he repeats, and laughs. It is a pretty silly insult.

Peter presents the new and improved jewel to Wendy while Tink watches through the translucent petal curtains of her apartment, futilely pushing them shut. Of course, the crystal floats out of Wendy's hands and begins casting snow around the house. And freezes the inhabitants solid while King Kyros's voice taunts them. Tink's magic manages to warm her up, and she immediately looks for Peter and Peter only. When she finds him, she declares, "Oh, Peter, you silly [jingle sound]!"

If you listen closely throughout episodes, you can tell that she says "silly ass," and that the end was vaguely edited by a sound effect. This was likely an afterthought to cover up a bad word (by '90s standards) spoken regularly — Captain Hook calls Peter a hellion more than once, though he may have been permitted since he's a villain. As an innocent and sheltered girl in the '90s, hearing this stuff totally blew my mind. Tink really was directed to say "ass" and it's still there in between a little bell shaking.

Tinker Bell uses her magic to thaw out Peter, immediately collapsing afterwards. Peter doesn't see a problem with his house and friends frozen solid, he says Tink can defrost them too. But she says she's too little for such a huge job, a volcano would be more appropriate. Which Peter thinks is a great idea, and exclaims, "Next stop, Krakatoa!"

This is the first of many real-world references in PP&tP, which flew over the heads of many a child in the early pre-household-internet '90s, yours included. Part of my intent in these episode writeups is to explore them all :)

Peter flies into the bubbling tip of Mt. Krakatoa to collect some lava with a giant stone spoon as big as he is, while Tink covers her eyes. Alright. He makes a great fire with it in the Underground House's hearth, which melts everything. As the children survey the damage, Peter announces that they'll teach the Ice King a lesson he won't forget.

Again, I'm not sure why we're supposed to be on Peter's side throughout all this, when the entire mess is 100% his fault.

The whole gang returns to the ice caves carrying nets full of cut logs, which they use to start fires inside with the intent of melting the entire ice kingdom. ??!! For fucking real?? Peter calls it poetic justice. Kyros makes an appearance by bursting from a frozen water spray again (drama queen) and waves his hand to summon cold wind, blowing out the fires with ease. Peter exchanges words with him again, restating that he does whatever he feels like. Then Kyros does something incredibly cool (pun intended).

He casts a special reflection of Peter in a nearby ice wall and declares, "Take a close look at yourself and recognize your own pride and vanity!" The monochrome reflection steps out of the mirror to confront Peter. He's alive, and he explains that he reflects all the bad things Peter is, and doesn't even have a conscience to slow him down.

This is heavy stuff!!

Peter and his friends fly away while Kyros instructs his newest creation to follow and retrieve his red crystal. The one he made specifically to punish Peter and change his life forever? All it did was freeze his house (the same thing Kyros did the first time), and now he wants it back? I guess to fine-tune it? Or because he's a greedy old fuddy-duddy?

Ice Pan follows the kids and blows snow at them. They escape (after saving wee Michael from certain doom, a recurring theme in these episodes), and Ice Pan taunts that this is all Peter's doing, he can never escape himself. And he flies away, freezing the land wherever he goes. He truly does reflect the source, he's not following orders at all!

It's pirate time!!

Much has already been written and recorded about this show's Captain Hook, superbly voiced by the inimitable Tim Curry, so I won't wax about that here :) He hears something strange and Bosun Smee agrees. And Robert Mullins scowls and states his catchphrase, "There's evil in it, Cap'n. You mark my woids!" This is a hilarious proto-Mullins voice, provided by the same actor doing Kyros, Jack Angel. He sounds a little more nasally to differentiate him from the Ice King. Captain Hook starts to swear, but is frozen mid-expletive along with his crew. So much for the pirates.

Back in the Underground House, Wendy decides it's best to give the crystal back after all, since it's the cause of all these problems. Then Ice Pan shows up outside, calling for Peter to come face his alter ego, unless he's afraid. Peter, who boasts that he isn't afraid of anything, flies out to fight him. So they have a little snowball fight, followed by an icicle duel (well, Ice Pan crafts his own ice sword out of thin ice air). And Wendy comes out to offer the crystal to him and stop the madness. Peter shrugs and says that's fine, he's bored now. Ice Pan comes up to stab him from behind, pins him to the ground, and Peter lobs the jewel away. When Ice Pan triumphantly catches it, he and the crystal fuse into a ball of red light. As this flies across the land, the ice vanishes and everything goes back to normal — including Captain Hook confusedly finishing his exclamation, which is funny.

I have a big nitpick about the icemaking crystal being bright red instead of cool blue, but maybe the animation director wanted it to stand out?

As things wrap up, Peter says he'll find Wendy a better present. She says not to worry, it's the thought that counts. And Tinker Bell, sneezing and shivering under a blanket in her apartment, declares that she never wants to hear about presents again.

We won't see King Kyros again throughout the series, and Peter's shadow self incarnate in magic ice is never acknowledged. It's assumed he flew back home along with the red crystal, so he's still alive? I wish we had revisited the Ice Kingdom, for all the buildup it had in this first episode. I'm not just saying that as someone who's been enthralled by snow and ice as a small child and still is to this day — the rightfully territorial Ice King, along the psychological implications of Peter having a rematch with his literal dark reflection would have been ripe storytelling.

I once tried to expand on this lore via fanfiction in which Kyros breathed life into several ice-crafted descendants and had one of them seduce a human male in order to give birth to a half-human son with ice powers of his own. Intended to be groomed into the perfect weapon to fight Peter Pan in his own territory, the child grew into an obedient but moody teenager struggling with his identity and yearning to meet his father. His mother, who raised him in non-ice faerie lands, had grown soft with warm emotions, defected from her father the king, and was severely punished, giving the lad something more to brood about — and swear justice against his cruel grandfather. He then roamed Neverland and befriended other original characters, including his own pink fairy friend, a black-tailed mermaid totally uninterested in Peter Pan, and a vicious Scottish pirate captain who had unexpectedly sailed in. Absolutely no one read it (:

I like that this episode just throws us into the world without any setup or introduction. All of the Lost Boys are present, though only two of them are named. We get a tease of the titular pirates. It's a good demonstration of Peter, Wendy, and Tinker Bell's personalities. And the animation is a feast for the eyes. Peter does these little spins and flips when he flies, which adds to the charm of this series — it makes flying children look totally natural, it's just what they do to get around, and fairy dust is not required every time. If this had been my first exposure in September 1990, I absolutely would have stuck around for more. Alas, it was not, it took a random encounter some time later and a few further viewings to get me hooked (hehehe).

Rating: 5 pieces of eight

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